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A Change of Water

I am not myself
Anger flares with every
Overzealous laugh
Each time I am struck
By the angst of my
Unrelenting everyday life
Reviving hopelessness afresh
I am consumed I fight

Thoughts that spin into
Each other swirling
Dreamlike colors lead
My belief that I will die
Why else am I the
Only one adored by nothing
Among so much living!
I am weary of it all

Rests on small shoulders
No one to relinquish
Daily burdens monthly
Strife searing boredom
To whom do I hand the baton?
There is only one
For all rely on me so
I linger far past

As flowers in stagnant
Water bent soft
Faded and sad looking
So tired of trying
Remind me why?
Existentialism calling
Rest in nothingness
Heaven of the overworked

Stinging slap of realization
Selfishness and self pity
Washed away by genuine
Laughter of those who
Hold my soul in their own
My heaven must wait
No rest I live not for myself
Maybe later someday

My nothingness will come
But not yet not today
There are days of joy
They seem so far away
In the blink of an eye
It will pass so quickly
I will beg time to stop
Let me live and never die!

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