Tag Archives: Depression

Without Substance

Without substance without form
a translucent bubble
Beautiful yet bound to gravity

Afraid to land and disappear
to leave no trace
I pop just a faint damp ring.

See me hear these words
like whispers faint
They are empty and vanish

They burst and implode collapse
as a dying star
A black hole remains concealed

The ghost of my former self
my copy in a mirror
Sparks too far gone to flame

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Masquerade

I
Hollow ache
empty smile frozen while my mind wanders
fake laugh like a crack in a wall
sitting in the shower letting the water wash away my tears
pretending affection
pretending everything is ok, all that matters is that your happy
lies

II
a shell dry as paper blown away like autumn leaves
do you notice
that my laugh never makes it to my souless eyes
I pretend I’m kissing someone else
I pretend to love the one I’m with
to feel my affection being sucked into a black hole
I could be a spy I know how to pretend
how to be happy for a child
how to have a happy life
happy with my partner

III
happy happy happy
like it’s stretched thin across the surface
a beautiful masquerade mask covering the truth that lies beneath
all outward while my inward shining soul is tucked away
guarded all but forgotten waiting
for the one that draws it to the surface
I hear the laughter of lovers and wonder
will I ever find that joy
or do I remain forever
trapped

IV
a bird caught in a cage that is too small for her body
reaching but fearful
is this all there is
surely they must know
surely they must see I’m not complete
I’m missing pieces some never there to begin with
I listen without hearing
thoughts contained in my head bursting to be free
I see without seeing
looking for visions like a prophet wandering the desert
Lips speaking lies
a canny con artist trying to part me from my money

V
slowly my soul is dying remnants
falling like rain broken
like the nursery rhyme oeuf
needing someone to stop the flood
pick up the fragments make me whole
if I stay i will wither and die
like all the flowers in my winter garden
retrieve me from this hell of lost and found

VI
worship unconditionally
I open my mouth and starlight pours forth
emptying my soul yet filling it reminding me
encouraging me like bright stars in the night
like lady moon guiding
I am worthy of knights and faery kings
worthy to rule
worthy to worship
I shed the darkness like a robe
put on the golden light of love


I become i

 

Not important
I lose my mINd

Not wanted
I lose my HEart
Not worthy
I lose my souL
Shut out
I lose my seLf

I
become
i
cease to
exist


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